Dialogue in one-character scenes

By Jenny Hilborne
Author of mysteries & thrillers

I've got a dilemma.

Unless a character is talking to himself, how does an author add (meaningful) dialogue to a one-person scene? What about a one-person chapter (or three)? Should we invite another person into the scene for the purpose of avoiding an all-narrative chapter, or is that a cheap way out? Can a chapter work with no dialogue? I'm still pondering the question...

In my new project, a paranormal thriller set in a gritty area of San Francisco, my main character spends quite a bit of time alone, especially in the first few chapters. Or, at least, that's the way I intended to write it. Several sets of circumstances have thrust him into this situation, and I noticed by the end of the second chapter I had no dialogue. I remember learning at various writers conferences and workshops I've attended that dialogue is important. Without it, the chapter becomes a descriptive passage, which some may find boring. I'm also mindful of the 'show and not tell' rule.

Personally, I love dialogue, it's just that it didn't/doesn't belong in these two chapters: didn't/doesn't - I'm still wavering on the point. Unsure if a lack of dialogue would be an issue for readers, I went back and added some, with my character talking to himself. We all do it, so why not my character? Well, the problem is he's just killed a man, so he needs to stay hidden and quiet; therefore, he would not talk to himself - at least, not aloud.

I considered using internal dialogue, but struggled to carry it through two whole chapters. It's only thought and not real spoken conversation or a real interaction with another character. Stunned by what he's done, my main character's only thought is of escape - getting far away from the scene of the crime. So, I took it out and brought in a second character - someone who may or may not be linked to the killing. Even though I'm only three chapters in, the addition of a new character has changed the entire direction of the story and presented new challenges. This may be a good thing - I'm not yet sure.

The first two chapters include plenty of action and suspense. Why did he do it? Will he be caught? Who did he kill and how will he get away? As I re-read these chapters, I'm back to the question of whether the dialogue fits, or if it is even needed. I'm undecided. I've looked for other unique ways to bring in dialogue, but it's difficult to do without bringing in unnecessary characters.

I added a little bit of backstory and tried to bring in snippets of old conversations there, but it felt forced and didn't work for my first two chapters. The paranormal element to the story is not yet relevant, so I can't use that. My MC does not have a volleyball or any other imaginary friend with whom he can share a conversation. During a hot-foot pursuit, I had my MC bump into a stranger on the street, mostly for the sake of adding dialogue. It worked for this scene, but I'm going to have to find more unique ways to add dialogue in later one-character scenes.

I never realized how tough it is to write chapters with only one character. It's quite a challenge.

Authors: how do you handle one-character scenes/chapters?

Readers: do you need dialogue in every chapter?

Dialogue Nuts & Bolts

by Jodie Renner, editor & author     
 
In another article, Tips for Writing Effective Dialogue, I discuss various techniques for writing dialogue that will come alive on the page. Drop over there for some tips on making your dialogue less stilted and more natural-sounding.

This article just provides a reference for the grammatically correct way to write dialogue, as well as some style tips for dialogue tags. Using correct punctuation and form for dialogue will keep your readers from becoming distracted, confused or annoyed, and maintain their focus on your story. So if you want your manuscript to look professional and your story to read smoothly, it's best to follow these technical guidelines.

THE BASICS:

First of all, start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes. On the other hand, don’t start a new paragraph if it’s still the same speaker, unless you’re doing it for a good reason, like a pause or emphasis.

Punctuation for Dialogue:

1. Put quotation marks around all spoken words. Although in Britain and Australia, it’s more common to use single quotes around dialogue, in the United States and Canada, the standard is double quotes around dialogue, with single quotes for quoting or emphasizing words or phrases within the quoted dialogue. (Italics are also used for emphasizing words or short phrases – but don’t overdo it.)

2. In North America, the punctuation always goes inside the end quote, not outside it:
“What’s wrong with you?” he asked.
“Nothing,” she replied.

3. If the person is asking a question, the question mark goes inside the quotation mark, and a period goes at the end of the whole sentence. The same goes for exclamations.
“Where were you?” she asked.
“Help!” he shouted.

Note that in the above examples, even though your word processor wants you to put a capital letter for “she” or “he”, these need to be lowercase, as they don’t start a new sentence.

4. If the person speaking is making a statement (or a suggestion or a command), replace the period (which would follow if it weren’t in quotation marks) with a comma. Then put your period at the end of the sentence.
“Let’s go home,” he said.

5. If there’s no attribute (he said, she said), put a period inside the closing quotation mark.
“Turn off the TV.”

6. If you start with the dialogue tag, put a comma after it, before your opening quotation mark and the dialogue:
He said, “But my game is on.”

7. If you want to put your dialogue tag in the middle of a sentence, put a comma inside the first set of closing quotation marks, and also after the dialogue tag:
“I can never understand,” she said, “what you see in him.” (Note no capital for the second part.)

8. If one person is speaking and the dialogue goes on for more than one paragraph (not a great idea to have one person speaking at great length), you leave out the closing quotation marks at the end of the first paragraph, but put opening quotation marks at the beginning of the next one. Use closing quotation marks only when that person is finished speaking.
“…no matter what you do.
“And another thing, don’t ….”

STYLE TIPS:

1. Avoid overusing dialogue tags. Instead of constantly using he said or she said (or the name and said), replace them often with action beats, which will also help bring the scene alive:
He closed the door very quietly. Too late.
She stood there, hands on hips. "Where've you been?"
"Don't start." He took off his coat and hung it up.
The action immediately before or after the words tells us who’s talking.

Or, if it can be done without confusing the readers, just leave out the dialogue tag or action beat. Context often makes it obvious who's speaking.

2. The best dialogue tags are the simple he said and she said (or asked), or with the name: John said, Carol said. These simple dialogue tags don’t draw attention to themselves or interrupt the story line, as they’re almost invisible. Avoid fancy tags like queried, chortled, alleged, proclaimed, conjectured, affirmed, etc., which can be distracting. But I do suggest using verbs that accurately and quickly describe how the words are delivered, like whispered, shouted or stammered.

3. You can’t use words like laughed or grinned or smiled or grimaced or scowled as dialogue tags:
“You look great,” he grinned.
“Why, thank you,” she smiled. (both incorrect)
 
Why not? Because smiling is not talking; you can’t “smile” or “grin” words. Change to:
“Why, thank you.” She smiled at the compliment. (Note period and capital “She”)
Or “Why, thank you,” she said, then smiled at him.

4. Use adverbs very sparingly. Avoid:
"I'm sorry," she said apologetically.
“Come here,” he said imperiously.
“I’m in charge,” she said haughtily.

Instead, make sure the words they're saying and any actions convey the feelings you wish to express.

TWO CURRENT STYLE TRENDS:

1. Contemporary North American fiction seems to avoid the reversed form, “said Joe”, in favor of “Joe said.” The reversed form seems to be more British and also considered kind of archaic, which makes it great for historical fiction.


2. Most contemporary North American fiction writers, with the notable exception of Lee Child, seem to put most dialogue tags after the words spoken:
“Let’s go,” Tony said.
Rather than before:
Tony said, “Let’s go.”

These last two points are of course just my observations of common usage, not rules. But aspiring or debut authors would do well to stick with what seems to be in favor, to give a contemporary feel to your novel. Of course, if you’re writing historical fiction, go for the older “said Elizabeth” form.

Fiction writers and readers, what do you think? Do you have any more tips to add to the mechanics of writing dialogue? Or opinions on the last two “style trends”? Let’s get a dialogue going!

Jodie Renner, a freelance fiction editor specializing in thrillers and other fast-paced fiction, has published two books to date in her series, An Editor’s Guide to Writing Compelling Fiction: WRITING A KILLER THRILLER and STYLE THAT SIZZLES & PACING FOR POWER (Silver Medalist in the FAPA Book Awards, 2013). Both titles are available in e-book and paperback.

For more info, please visit Jodie’s author website or editor website, or find her on Facebook or Twitter.