By Andrew E. Kaufman
(Deep breath)
It’s been almost two years since I’ve been able to say that. After I signed a publishing deal, there were delays. I was okay with this, even anticipated it—but still,
I’ve managed to accomplish what I do best.
Make myself crazy.
It's a special skill. Do not attempt this for the first time alone. I've spent years honing my craft, and it's not for the weak. Should you choose to fall into global anxiety, please be sure to have a tolerant support system around you. And possibly some bungee cords, potting soil, and an assortment of down pillows. (Don't ask. You'll find out.)
Of course, there are the usual obsessive concerns: Will my
readers still remember me after all this time? Will their enthusiasm over my work
wither and die? Will I wither and
die? Will the publishing business continue to gyrate, explode, then shoot me straight
into oblivion?
This is just a partial glimpse into the neurotic and continuously
spiraling mind that keeps me awake late into the night and swimming the shifting
tides of global uncertainty during the day. And other melodrama.
In a way this spinning cycle of insanity is good, because on some level it keeps me on my
toes and hungry—but in other ways, not really so much. Let's face it, folks: Anxiety isn't pretty. It's dominating and ferocious and greedy, but it ain't pretty.
So, in an effort to self-medicate and to talk myself off
the ledge and out of the pain vortex, logical thinking went out the window, and
reckless overindulgence flew the in through the cuckoo’s nest.
I took a little jaunt over to this joint:
And inhaled me a little of this:
And thought inappropriate things about this:
And I was powerless over this sexy little chocolate ganache number:
That's all.
I too drive myself crazy with worry, work, and compulsion. But you really know how to "make it all better." I must adopt some of these practices.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes on your book launch! And no, your fans haven't forgotten you.
Thanks, L.J. I know you share in my worry--you just have more self control ;)
DeleteOne can make oneself crazy over so many things! You picked a great way to deal with your anxiety. How many "Clives" do you have left?
ReplyDeleteThe Clives are dwindling as we speak. I may have to take another jaunt to the bistro and grab some more.
DeleteFirst, there's no way your fans have forgotten you. Second, I'm sure it will be worth the wait. Third, I totally get your craziness. Fourth, well, there is no fourth. Only chocolate.
ReplyDeleteWell-said, Peg. There is only chocolate. In my world, at least.
DeleteChocolate always seems to soothe you, Andrew. I'm sure readers, old and new, will love Patrick's obsessions as much as you love yours. :-)
ReplyDeleteHopefully, we'll all be happy, Linda.
DeleteCongrats on the release. I have one due in 5 days, and I wish our tiny town (wide spot in the road) had a place like that to get a chocolate fix. If one of your Clives wants to head up to Divide, he'll be welcomed with open arms (and mouth).
ReplyDeleteTerry
Terry's Place
Too late--they've already wandered into my tummy :)
DeleteMost of them, anyway.
Good luck on your imminent release, Drew! I'm sure your latest Patrick tale will be met with rave reviews - and big sales! (And I bet your dentist loves you!) :-)
ReplyDeleteBelieve it or not, I've never had a cavity, so I'm not sure my dentist loves me so much.
DeleteFirst, of course, best of luck on the release. I've been working on my manuscript almost two years, and thinking I was shilly-shallying. I still may be shilly-shallying, but at least I know two years is reasonable. Chocolate. What else is there to say? May you have enough sales to keep you in chocolate.
ReplyDelete