Tom Schreck, author of the Duffy Series
What Makes You Feel Alive?
I got in the ring Saturday for some sparring. I was feeling kind of ambivalent about going but I've learned to push myself to do stuff that feels better once I do it.
Me and a buddy did three rounds. Like all sparring sessions there's something inside of me that says "Why are you doing this?"
Let's be honest, I think that something is called fear.
The sparring starts and things happen in there so fast that there is no longer time for thinking and not much for feeling.
I did okay, tired faster than I wanted to, but that's all right.
Since Saturday I've felt a little more alive. Sore and tired, but somehow sharper and more positive.
I think it has something to do with taking some risk, feeling it and going ahead any way.
I just got done writing in my current work-in-progress novel. I'm getting to the end and writing the action scenes. I'm filled with so much uncertainty that I find myself trying to procrastinate. Yesterday I rationalized doing housework and shopping and didn't write till late in the day. Then I couldn't concentrate.
This morning I wrote first thing. The whole time I wanted to do something else. I pushed hard against it and got today's 1,000 words.
I feel sort of like I did on Saturday. Positive, a little more energy and a little more confident.
I've studied how I feel about doing certain things and I've learned that fighting and writing both make me feel alive. They both take losing myself in activity, they both mean pushing through insecurity and they both involve a risk of failure.
Funny thing is when I "fail", whatever that is, I rarely feel bad. Trying and getting lost in the activity seems to be what counts.
I'm curious how others feel.
What do you get similar feelings from?
What makes you feel alive?
When I push myself to do something I'm afraid of, it's a good thing.
ReplyDeletePutting ourselves in a vulnerable place is never easy. You do that when you step into the ring or when you put your books out there for strangers to read.
As far as I'm concerned, the only way to fail is to give up. To not allow yourself to be vulnerable. Even if you don't win, you've done something and learned something and grown as a result of both.
Riding my horses. (Okay, not at the same time.) I love the feeling of using my legs and my balance to change direction or gait. I'm in this relationship with the horse who outweighs me, yet I'm in charge of where we go, and at what speed. It sometimes feel like I'll take flight.
ReplyDeleteSwingsets
ReplyDeleteback-forth-sail into the sky-here comes the ground
Oh, man! "Like" button for both Gayle and David!
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